They came late last night
To meet you
To ask you questions
And you went mad
Like a churning sea
In the midst of a gale
You lost direction
Then meaning
Then focus
And I wasn’t there
That nurse finally called it
A lockdown
How many years have you needed
A lockdown
To manage the insanity
You put us all through
These months have been a slow unraveling
Of shreds of your thoughts
You want to make sense
But always end the same:
I am either damned if I do
Or damned if I don’t
I broke
A few months ago
When I was honest
And admitted I cared
More for you than I did
For myself
Or my family
Every word you spoke to me
I remained silent about
Until I was filled
With your pain
And my only medicine
was poison
and fantasy
I used to come to the rescue
Like an ambulance
Racing to your side
With a band-aid
For your little cut
I can’t do anything
I am powerless
I am not a Savior
I am only a man
So I sit at my work computer
In the quiet before this busy day
And I pray
And I trust
And I cry

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I like the sun in San Diego. It is out almost every day. I normally follow it as it ushers in the day, then leave with it in the evening. Day in and day out it is beautiful. Sadly, most days I don't think much about it being there.

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