Real

I am swimming in a bowl of lies

My cereal bowl

The spoon is my escape

To pour sweetness on my tongue

And savor the short satisfaction

 

I lie because I don’t want to admit to other people that I am weak

It makes me feel pitiful

And useless

So I would rather they think I am strong

Or at least mysterious

 

I think over these things at

The dining room table

Alone in the morning before 6am

When no one can see me

If I cry

 

I am talking to a room full of lies

Because they are my friends

For friends invade my personal space

Like a Junior High dance

And I can’t navigate the closeness

 

Pain can’t be the good thing

I know it is

As it closes in on my heart

And turns my comfort

Into intimacy

I will make it

 

I am in a cage made of lies

Like solid bars

Invisible on the outside

And others don’t understand

What they don’t know

 

I hear the truth as a whisper

Tickling the edge of my ear

Cool as water

As it cuts down to my bone and tears me apart

And I bleed

 

I am on a pedestal of stone

In front of an audience

Under glimmering light

And I tear off shame as a robe

So that I can be exposed

 

I will be

I will be

I will be

Real

Torn Sheet

Translucent films of white

Pages strewn on the floor

Denying the words that want to find a place

On their thin surfaces

Instead traversing the busy highways of a

Friday afternoon’s thoughts

Backing one into another

When I don’t think I can feel

I tear the paper

In order to let them out

Frustrations

And doubts about what I am doing

Wishing the jagged edge would

Mean something

Moving is not easy

Change comes as you drive along

Blind to potential

I feel like I must have failed

I find myself here

Crumple the page and throw it away

I roll down the window

The air outside is warm

And the papers flutter in the breeze

Animated into dance

Words start to fly

Shame can’t live outside

Boundaries of silence

I am breaking through

Gossamer sheets of pulp

Recycled and renewed in a world

That no longer sees their value

I shut off the screen that tells

Rather than allows me to speak

I will write after so long

And breathe

He Took the Seat

20150514_061936

Hey all…its been too long. Hopefully I get more poetry and thought up here over the next few months. Here is something that has taken a week to become full words and thankfully the Spark event at North Coast Calvary Chapel last night was the space for it. The image is burned in my mind. I hope you enjoy it:

He Took the Seat

I was in the great room

In the crowd of so many

Who were on their faces

And it was silent

Like the dawn breaking

At the water’s edge

When the wind stops

I was in the great room

And He walked in

Without announcement

On a red carpet

Where the least have tread

But he was famous

I was in the great room

Memories flooding back

Of men I no longer see

Scoffing, pretending, questioning

Not wanting answers

When I sat at his feet

And poured out the last of me

Emptying it from the cracks in my facade

When I couldn’t cover up

I was in the great room

When the roar began at the back

As if somewhere in the past

Exploded out of time

And they screamed and wailed

Like a million funerals

Became a billion new births

And He took the seat